The misery train has pulled in to Apathy Station (it's an ok place)

This morning was quite a battle. For the first two hours of work I sat here and devised a plan for how I was going to email my boss and take 4 hours of sick time this afternoon. It all seems unnecessary now, but I was pretty miserable. For no particular reason. But I suppose I'll stay today. Though my bed is sounding mighty appealing.

Nobody at work has said anything about my haircut, even though it is pretty noticeable. I take this to mean that they don't think it looks good, which I think is awesome.

I have spent most of my morning staring blankly at my computer screen. I have various papers spread in front of me, so as to give the appearance of doing things. But, I have my medium organic Peruvian coffee and my vegan cranberry heart-shaped bar thingees, so I'm doing a little better. I don't know. It's the clouds outside, the clouds in my head, the utter lack of direction that is swallowing up my entire existence. Once in a while it's almost enough to make me snap and I feel myself standing just on the edge of some kind of breakdown. On one side of a thin glass wall, ready and willing to throw a chair and watch the pieces fly.

You'd think that these swells of anxiety would propel me towards making a commitment to any sort of decision about my future. Goals and the like. When will I stop wallowing in my stupid blog and start living my life?

There is a poem I read once, about how the reason that anyone keeps a journal is to examine their own filth. I promptly wrote it down in my journal.

I did, however, commit to vegetarianism yesterday. Just in time for dollar burger Tuesday at Bar Louie. It's a test of will! I need more of those, I think. My moral fiber is feeling a little weak these days. I need some sort of ideology to cling to, even if it only has to do with food (at first).

Damn, this is good coffee.