It's so gloomy today. I think those are rain clouds out there... they don't even look like clouds. They look like layers of thick gray smoke hovering just in front of the actual gray sky. Gloomy songs keep coming on my ipod, too. Terribly depressing Ben Folds songs (it doesn't get much more depressing than "Carrying Cathy") and melancholy songs sung in french with violins and accordions making me wish I was sitting at a wrought iron table at an outdoor cafe in Paris. Eating a croissant, drinking a cappuccino. I know cappuccinos are Italian. But it's my daydream, so I can mix cultures as much as I want.
I have been going through resumes for what feels like weeks. I am helping the engineering librarian hire for a new position, and it's a pretty rad job (supervisor of the new Computer and Video Game Archive) so there have been many, many applicants. I'm not cut out for this, I tell you. It was only about a year ago that I was applying for jobs at this very library, sending my resume out in to cyberspace and hoping that someone would like what they saw. I had some experience, but I was pretty surprised when I got called for an interview. And then I got promoted within a couple months of starting here. And I'm doing all sorts of things that I'm mostly unqualified for, and I'm pretty sure that everyone here has a kind of distorted idea of my capabilities. So who am I to say if these people are capable of doing this job? I'm like a Roman Emperor, deciding whether or not they should be rescued from the jaws of the really shitty Michigan job market lion. Each time I delete a resume I feel so guilty! Like I said, I just don't have the objectivity to do this.
I have been so on edge this week. I'm just anxious to get going, I think. It's in my head that I'm moving. I just want to do it, to get started on this next phase. I'm just wasting time now. Well, I'm continuing to earn money, so that's important I suppose.
I got free coffee today. A girl I know from high school works at the coffee shop downstairs, and it's her last day. So she gave me free coffee. It was awesome! She's going to Spain. I got too excited talking to her about it, and asked her many questions and probably annoyed her. But sometimes I hear a hint of that weird combination of vicarious excitement/jealousy when I tell people I'm moving to Portland, and that feels pretty good.
We're going on a little roadtrip this weekend, to Up-North Michigan. It should be wonderful, just beach lounging and cocktails and boating. I want my whole life to be beach lounging, cocktails and boating. And it's the first of three roadtrips planned for this summer, with Chautauqua, NY for the fourth of July weekend, and Pittsburgh for a weekend in mid-July.
Well, "I Need a Lover" by John Mellencamp just came on my ipod. This song is definitely on my list of top 5 favorite songs of all time. So I'm going to take a moment to rock out silently, then I suppose I'll get back to deciding the fate of the masses who applied for this job. This feels so wrong! I hope that when I'm applying for jobs in just a month or 2, someone much better suited to judge people is doing the resume reviewing.
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