I stole this sweater from the costume shop

Holy shit, a whole year since the last time I wrote here. Almost unbelievable, and somehow totally believable at the same time.

Sitting on my couch. Drinking coffee in the afternoon, browsing for jobs and casually applying for one or two. It's like being Portland again, but instead of the pleasant autumn-y sounds of leaves crunching under bike wheels I'm listening to some jackass outside on my street laying on his horn in an effort to convince a double parked truck to move on. Oddly enough, it's not working.

My birthday is a week and a half away. It coincides with the wedding of a friend of mine, which I will be attending. Of course weddings are the best, but I think this one will throw my own paltry existence, my extended adolescence, intro gross relief. My friend will be getting married to an older man. She will be a step mother. And this is not to say that I wish any of these things for my own life - but how can my life be so drastically dissimilar from hers?

I've been going a little crazy lately. Maybe it's the rain clouds that keep gathering over the city but rolling on before they release any rain. The trees bend for a few minutes and day becomes evening, but then a few minutes later the light returns. A heavy rain, maybe, is what I need. Maybe it's just being young, maybe it's this crazy city. One week you get passed over for a promotion and nothing feels right anymore, when just the week before that you marveled at your own life and how well the pieces were moving. One week you're the double parked truck, driverless and immobile, when just the week before you were the line of taxis behind it, anxious and ready to move ahead and see what was at the next intersection.