I went to a group interview at American Eagle today. We each had to pick out an outfit for the manager who was conducting the interview, and then explain to her why we picked that particular ensemble for her. In a British accent. Then we each had to do our favorite dance move.
This is what my life has come to. Aye carumba.
I take the GRE in less than 12 hours, and holy guacamole, I cannot wait to be done with it. It's not that it's taking up that much time or that it's extremely mentally taxing or anything. I'm just sick of it. So, considering that I haven't worked very hard on it, I'm hoping for at least an 1100 combined score. 1000 is straight up average, so doing a little better than average is fine with me. I like to think that I'm a pretty smart cookie, but we'll see what ETS and the GRE have to say about that come 3:30 tomorrow afternoon when I get my raw scores for the verbal and math sections.
Then, Halloween! I think I plan to sit on my porch, play Scrabble, pass out candy, and have some drinks. Sounds pretty wonderful to me! I'm coming down with a sinusy cold thing, so I won't be celebrating the holiday/the completion of the GRE too heavily. I just hope my symptoms plateau until tomorrow evening. I really don't need to be dealing with a case of faucet-nose while I'm taking a test that could potentially have quite a bit to do with my future acceptance or rejection from grad school programs of my choosing.
Also, I'm re-addicted to 'Lost'. I'm rewatching season 4. Such is life.
Matt Nathanson is coming to a venue that is a few blocks from my home. Maybe I can convince him to come over for a beer?
Friday, October 31, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Nearly November
I went to a pumpkin patch yesterday. I had never been to a pumpkin patch before. What kind of child of the upper-middle class am I?! I've still never been to an apple orchard, either. I'm going to attribute the lack of seasonal outings like these to the fact that my mom was (and is!) an awesome human being and preferred to spend her single-mother autumn weekends just hanging out at home instead of hauling us out to various patches and orchards. We got our pumpkins from the grocery store, thank you very much, and usually not until a day or two before Halloween, because procrastination is embedded in our family's genetic code.
Did you know that pumpkin stems are covered in a prickly sort of fir? ?I didn't. Until I reached down to pick up a pumpkin and felt like a misbehaving doe, trying to steal a snack from a forbidden farm. Very treacherous.
The pumpkn patch was located on Sauvie Island, a place that made me forget about the little twinges of regret I had felt in the previous days about my move here. I was beginning to feel that it was a massive mistake to move out here, that I was crazy for making such an enormous change without any real plans in place. The unreal beauty of this place made me feel only grateful for this beautiful city that I live in. It made me pause and just appreciate that I am here. The sun was high in the perfect clear sky, with Mt. St. Helen visible to the north, Mt. Hood poking it's pointy cap in to the sky a bit south of that. Nearly impossible to have afternoon like yesterday's and not feel your spirits lift out of whatever funk they were in.
I'm still feeling the warmth from yesterday, but it's also hard not to think about the fact that this Indian Summer can't last much longer. It's nearly November, and the cold rain will set in sooner than later, I think. It's always like that, I guess - qualifying a pleasent present with the assumption that it can't possibly last. But that's ok. Maybe it will last. Maybe it will be a lovely autumn forever, light streaming through yellow leaves and mild breezes breezing by every few minutes.
Did you know that pumpkin stems are covered in a prickly sort of fir? ?I didn't. Until I reached down to pick up a pumpkin and felt like a misbehaving doe, trying to steal a snack from a forbidden farm. Very treacherous.
The pumpkn patch was located on Sauvie Island, a place that made me forget about the little twinges of regret I had felt in the previous days about my move here. I was beginning to feel that it was a massive mistake to move out here, that I was crazy for making such an enormous change without any real plans in place. The unreal beauty of this place made me feel only grateful for this beautiful city that I live in. It made me pause and just appreciate that I am here. The sun was high in the perfect clear sky, with Mt. St. Helen visible to the north, Mt. Hood poking it's pointy cap in to the sky a bit south of that. Nearly impossible to have afternoon like yesterday's and not feel your spirits lift out of whatever funk they were in.
I'm still feeling the warmth from yesterday, but it's also hard not to think about the fact that this Indian Summer can't last much longer. It's nearly November, and the cold rain will set in sooner than later, I think. It's always like that, I guess - qualifying a pleasent present with the assumption that it can't possibly last. But that's ok. Maybe it will last. Maybe it will be a lovely autumn forever, light streaming through yellow leaves and mild breezes breezing by every few minutes.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Benjamin Franklin <3s Internet Porn
Amazing how I set out to do one thing, and then wind up with my original goal sitting on the far left of my task bar, next to other, much more interesting windows. Do I need to be writing my 'motivational statement' for my Americorps application? Why yes, I do. Am I, once again, easily distracted by EVERYTHING ELSE on the internet? Double yes. I wonder what Benjamin Franklin or T.S. Eliot or Albert Einsteain would have thought if someone had told them that the internet would exist in the future.
See, not only am I distracted by the actual internet - I am distracted by what various historical figures would have thought about the internet. You KNOW that Franklin would have been all about internet porn.
I'm listening to some classical music via Pandora (another mind-blowing corner of the web!) and it makes me feel like I'm doing things in montage in a Jane Austen inspired movie. You know, I'm learning how to make a filigree basket or play the pianoforte so as to impress that dashing fellow (who is probably my second cousin or some other not very distant relation) who moved in to the little cottage on my rolling English property.
I took a Jane Austen course in college. We read every work of Jane Austen's, including the stuff she wrote when she was a tween. I used the word 'read' loosely, as I only really finished one of the assigned novels and survived by taking really good notes ln lecture. Our professor was sort of a kook, in a great, entertaining way. Well, I suppose she was just an enthusiast. A noted scholar, too - I think she wrote the introduction for one of the editions we read in the class. Anyways, she tried her best to bring the texts we studied to life for us by having us doing little activities in class and learned about the social context in which these novels were produced. She had us all (and it was a huge lecture) participate in English country dancing. I will never forget the supreme awkwardness of having to trot around a large room holding hands with my English 313 professor.
So this is my life here in Portland. I stay up late, Charlie (our wonderful catahoula leopard dog/pit bull mix) sometimes snuggles with me in bed, I avoid the very things I tell myself that I must accomplish, and I think about English country dancing.
More studying tomorrow. I'm quite over the GRE, I assure you. At this point I just want to get it over with so that I can evict it from the large cubby it has taken up residence in within my brain. I have better, more interesting things that can occupy that space! Things that involve less math and less inanity!
Ok. I will barrel through this motivational statement, which is supposed to explain what influential life experience of mine sparked my interest in community service. What if I just used up all of my interesting life experience with that bit about English country dancing? (joke.)
See, not only am I distracted by the actual internet - I am distracted by what various historical figures would have thought about the internet. You KNOW that Franklin would have been all about internet porn.
I'm listening to some classical music via Pandora (another mind-blowing corner of the web!) and it makes me feel like I'm doing things in montage in a Jane Austen inspired movie. You know, I'm learning how to make a filigree basket or play the pianoforte so as to impress that dashing fellow (who is probably my second cousin or some other not very distant relation) who moved in to the little cottage on my rolling English property.
I took a Jane Austen course in college. We read every work of Jane Austen's, including the stuff she wrote when she was a tween. I used the word 'read' loosely, as I only really finished one of the assigned novels and survived by taking really good notes ln lecture. Our professor was sort of a kook, in a great, entertaining way. Well, I suppose she was just an enthusiast. A noted scholar, too - I think she wrote the introduction for one of the editions we read in the class. Anyways, she tried her best to bring the texts we studied to life for us by having us doing little activities in class and learned about the social context in which these novels were produced. She had us all (and it was a huge lecture) participate in English country dancing. I will never forget the supreme awkwardness of having to trot around a large room holding hands with my English 313 professor.
So this is my life here in Portland. I stay up late, Charlie (our wonderful catahoula leopard dog/pit bull mix) sometimes snuggles with me in bed, I avoid the very things I tell myself that I must accomplish, and I think about English country dancing.
More studying tomorrow. I'm quite over the GRE, I assure you. At this point I just want to get it over with so that I can evict it from the large cubby it has taken up residence in within my brain. I have better, more interesting things that can occupy that space! Things that involve less math and less inanity!
Ok. I will barrel through this motivational statement, which is supposed to explain what influential life experience of mine sparked my interest in community service. What if I just used up all of my interesting life experience with that bit about English country dancing? (joke.)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Intervista number 3...
Come on, lucky number 3! I'm off to the mall (ugh) for an interview at Paradise Pen, a fancy shmancy pen store.
I'm in my grown-up clothes, too. So this better be worth it!
I'm in my grown-up clothes, too. So this better be worth it!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Why Doesn't Borders Understand How Much I Love Bookstores?!
Ain't nothin' like job hunting in the face of the worst job market since the Great Depression.
I felt like I was standing in a bread line today while at a 'job fair' at Borders. They were hiring for seasonal help, for low level retail positions. And there were no less than 100 people waiting in line to see if they passed the initial screening test that was a prerequesite for the position. It was mind blowing. There were people of all types there, just wanting some shitty job at a bookstore. And the majority of them were turned away! I got an interview - which was a little reassuring. At least I know I'm somewhat competitive for a bottom of the barrel job. But they turned me away after that... no second interview for this little lady.
Maybe it doesn't help that I'm a little awkward?
Then, just to make myself feel like a total chump, I headed across the street to the mall and filled out applications at places like American Eagle and The Gap.
American Eagle Manager: 'Why American Eagle?'
Me: 'I've always really liked American Eagle, and the casual, cool style it represents.' (LIE #1)
AEM: 'And tell me a characteristic about yourself that would make me choose you or someone else.'
Me: 'I'm really flexible and easy-going, and I just like to go with the flow and enjoy the work that I do.' (Not entirely false, but hopefully the overcompensatingly enthusiastic tone of voice I had adopted for my informal interview wasn't too transparent.)
Ugh. Am I really at a place in my life where I need to grovel at the feet of lower management at chain stores in order to make a few dollars?!
I even went to Victoria's Secret, which I swore I would never resort to. I worked there for about six months when I was a sophomore in college, and while it wasn't completely hellish or anything, I have a feeling my memory is conveniently failing me and choosing to block out how mind-numbing it was.
I'm feelng really positive about my job prospects, clearly.
I have an interview scheduled at this weird, high-end pen shop for next week, and a group interview at American Eagle in two weeks. Apparently my lame answers were enough to get me an in there!
Needless to say, I do believe I left a sliver of my soul (and my dignity) at that mall, and part of me just wants to buy a pint of cheap whiskey and call it a night.
On a happier note - Obama was quite wonderful in the debate last night. My ears perked up when they began discussing women's stuff like equal pay and abortion, and Obama administered quite a body slam to McCain (in my humble opinion). John McCain was all 'I'm a federalist, abortion should be left up to the states,' and Obama was like "blam, the right to an abortion shouldn't be left up to ANYONE but the woman herself!" and I was like YEEHAW! Which reminds me, I really need to get my absentee ballot. I still have time, contrary to popular belief. And, in all honesty, everytime I remember that I haven't my ballot yet I picture Elizabeth Cady Stanton and feel a wave of gult pass over me for being an irresponsible voter.
I'm going to try to forget about my mall experiences today. It felt pretty terrible to fill out those applications, but I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. I suppose I'm not above any sort of work at this point, so I can just abandon the idea that I am. I'm going to make some dinner and try to unwind. No dessert for me, though - I filled up on humble pie already.
I felt like I was standing in a bread line today while at a 'job fair' at Borders. They were hiring for seasonal help, for low level retail positions. And there were no less than 100 people waiting in line to see if they passed the initial screening test that was a prerequesite for the position. It was mind blowing. There were people of all types there, just wanting some shitty job at a bookstore. And the majority of them were turned away! I got an interview - which was a little reassuring. At least I know I'm somewhat competitive for a bottom of the barrel job. But they turned me away after that... no second interview for this little lady.
Maybe it doesn't help that I'm a little awkward?
Then, just to make myself feel like a total chump, I headed across the street to the mall and filled out applications at places like American Eagle and The Gap.
American Eagle Manager: 'Why American Eagle?'
Me: 'I've always really liked American Eagle, and the casual, cool style it represents.' (LIE #1)
AEM: 'And tell me a characteristic about yourself that would make me choose you or someone else.'
Me: 'I'm really flexible and easy-going, and I just like to go with the flow and enjoy the work that I do.' (Not entirely false, but hopefully the overcompensatingly enthusiastic tone of voice I had adopted for my informal interview wasn't too transparent.)
Ugh. Am I really at a place in my life where I need to grovel at the feet of lower management at chain stores in order to make a few dollars?!
I even went to Victoria's Secret, which I swore I would never resort to. I worked there for about six months when I was a sophomore in college, and while it wasn't completely hellish or anything, I have a feeling my memory is conveniently failing me and choosing to block out how mind-numbing it was.
I'm feelng really positive about my job prospects, clearly.
I have an interview scheduled at this weird, high-end pen shop for next week, and a group interview at American Eagle in two weeks. Apparently my lame answers were enough to get me an in there!
Needless to say, I do believe I left a sliver of my soul (and my dignity) at that mall, and part of me just wants to buy a pint of cheap whiskey and call it a night.
On a happier note - Obama was quite wonderful in the debate last night. My ears perked up when they began discussing women's stuff like equal pay and abortion, and Obama administered quite a body slam to McCain (in my humble opinion). John McCain was all 'I'm a federalist, abortion should be left up to the states,' and Obama was like "blam, the right to an abortion shouldn't be left up to ANYONE but the woman herself!" and I was like YEEHAW! Which reminds me, I really need to get my absentee ballot. I still have time, contrary to popular belief. And, in all honesty, everytime I remember that I haven't my ballot yet I picture Elizabeth Cady Stanton and feel a wave of gult pass over me for being an irresponsible voter.
I'm going to try to forget about my mall experiences today. It felt pretty terrible to fill out those applications, but I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. I suppose I'm not above any sort of work at this point, so I can just abandon the idea that I am. I'm going to make some dinner and try to unwind. No dessert for me, though - I filled up on humble pie already.
Monday, October 6, 2008
The GRE is making feel moribund
Back at Palio, the only place in my general neighborhood where I can even pretend to get anything done. I tried a new locale today - the Starbucks in Sellwood. Get this - you have to pay to access their internet. That is ridiculous! I paid $1.75 for coffee and $2.45 for a yogurt parfait - and they tell me me I have to shell out some more money so that my computer can reach up in to the sky and grab a couple of internet waves? I don't think so. That was enough to send me on my way, back to this lovely place for a little local flavor and FREE wireless.
I started my day at 3:00 this afternoon after getting out of bed at 2:00. Yes, I realize that is ridiculous. I need to work on it, ok?
I'm shuffling through the old files in my brain again. The 'cities I would like to live in' files, the 'jobs I want but am totally unqualified for' files. Maybe it would be crazy to move again in December after moving to Portland in August. But it sort of feel like the right thing for me to do, if only because I like the idea of moving around right now while I'm young and the idea of being a waif is too appealing to pass up.
I do love this city. and the life I'm living is good for now. But it's a little too settled, too adult-feeling. I know that I am technically an adult now and therefore I should be attracted to an adult life. But I've heard too much recently about enjoying your 20s and not trying to hard to be a serious person during them to really settle in to domesticity yet. It's funny, because the very things that I found myself needing an escape from are the things that I miss the most now. I miss the crazy nights and the lifestyle that got me through college. I guess I'm not ready to give it up yet, regardless of whether or not I should be.
I'm thinking about New York City. And the more I think about it, the more I feel like it's the next step for me. Maybe I'm idealizing it now, just like I idealized Portland, especially because I can't get a job here and I have no leads whatsoever. But I know that coming here was necessary. If nothing else, it gave me the opportunity to re-evaluate my plans and have whole lot of time to think.
I need to get a little more studying done, and then I'm going to head next door to the video store to rent "Reality Bites." It's just the angsty, generation X, quarter life crisis-y movie that I need right now.
I started my day at 3:00 this afternoon after getting out of bed at 2:00. Yes, I realize that is ridiculous. I need to work on it, ok?
I'm shuffling through the old files in my brain again. The 'cities I would like to live in' files, the 'jobs I want but am totally unqualified for' files. Maybe it would be crazy to move again in December after moving to Portland in August. But it sort of feel like the right thing for me to do, if only because I like the idea of moving around right now while I'm young and the idea of being a waif is too appealing to pass up.
I do love this city. and the life I'm living is good for now. But it's a little too settled, too adult-feeling. I know that I am technically an adult now and therefore I should be attracted to an adult life. But I've heard too much recently about enjoying your 20s and not trying to hard to be a serious person during them to really settle in to domesticity yet. It's funny, because the very things that I found myself needing an escape from are the things that I miss the most now. I miss the crazy nights and the lifestyle that got me through college. I guess I'm not ready to give it up yet, regardless of whether or not I should be.
I'm thinking about New York City. And the more I think about it, the more I feel like it's the next step for me. Maybe I'm idealizing it now, just like I idealized Portland, especially because I can't get a job here and I have no leads whatsoever. But I know that coming here was necessary. If nothing else, it gave me the opportunity to re-evaluate my plans and have whole lot of time to think.
I need to get a little more studying done, and then I'm going to head next door to the video store to rent "Reality Bites." It's just the angsty, generation X, quarter life crisis-y movie that I need right now.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Life Lessons: from Full House to GRE Math, it's all cheesey
I took a late evening nap today, the kind that you hope will carry over in to the night and leave you with a seriously augmented night's sleep. Alas, no dice.
I also took a GRE pracitce test today, and got a 670 verbal, 420 math. Those are some noticeably disparate scores, eh? After looking over the answers to the math portion, I realized that I made some pretty careless mistakes. I always feel this intense pressure to finish the sections quickly, and end up having ten of fifteen minutes left over. These practice tests are making my general feelings about this test way better, so I'm glad that I just bought a book that has, like, seven older tests in it.
While riding my bike today, I also realized that a lot of this whole test-taking process is all in your mind. I'm not that bad at math, but when I go in to a practice test thing that, well shucks, I'm going to really stink this one up so I might as well get it over with - that just isn't productive at all. If I just cool out and think happy thoughts and have confidence in the knowledge that I do have, I think it will only help. There's a little life lesson tucked away in this GRE studying, wouldn't you say?
My roommate is currently moving her bed out of our shared basement room. For the month that we have both been in this house, she has slept exactly one night in this room. Which works for, because I paid for half of this room for the month of September and had the room to myself the entire time. This also means that I paid for the full room for October, which is twice what I had anticipated paying for rent when I moved here. Granted, my rent is still just barely over $300, so it's still a fracking bargain. And, after checking my bank accounts, I'm still doing ok.
Maybe I'm spoiled. Does it take a sort of princess to sit on her laurels all day and not bother searching for a job? I guess I'm studying for the GRE so that, in theory, future me can have a job that is meaningful and worth another $50,000 in loans (holy poop). And we all know that a princess wouldn't bother with that sort of thing. Plus she wouldn't have to take out loans in the first place. Maybe I'm just not desperate enough yet. If I needed money immediately, I would probably be more apt to click on the ads on Craig's List for dishwashers and what have you. But I'm not there yet. But there has got to be a job in this town that I am qualified for that doesn't involve washing dishes or making sandwiches. I really don't want to work retail again, but that may be the only option.
I've also been considering the prospect of teaching English aborad. One of the guys I live with has done it, so I should talk with him and get his perspective. There's one problem, though. And I almost can't believe I'm about to say this. But I don't think that I, the cantankerous hermit crab of a girl who would typically prefer to be alone than with most groups of people, would want to go anywhere abroad by myself. I've spent enough time by myself since I moved here to know that meaningful friendships are important to me, and I don't feel like I have many these days. I have one close friend here, and the few others that I have are across the country. I would love to have the experience of teaching abroad, but something like that would be so much more meaningful if I could share it with someone else. (Cue the 'Full House' music when one of the girls learns a valuable lesson about life.)
That being said, I should teach English in Poland. Or Italy, since I already know a decent amount about the Italian language. It would be awesome to go anywhere in Eastern Europe, but it would be tough to be around any Cyrillic language without knowing anything about them. All of the teaching programs say that you don't need to know the language, but I'm dubious.
Just about four weeks to go until I take the GRE. I wonder what would happen to my score if I studied every day? It would go up, presumably. And considering that I've started looking at non-library graduate programs that I'm ultimately less qualified for, my scores are probably going to need to be pretty good.
I wonder just how many people there out in this world wide web that write in their blogs and write in their journals and think that they want to make a living doing it? And what of the aspiring writers who don't write in blogs? What of the countless people who want to be writers? Why do I presume that I could even be a semi-finalist for success in the journalism/writing realm? Well, I guess I would be willing to sign my life and a good deal of future earnings away to a student loan corporation, for one. I have no experience, but I'm trying to get some. I will weasel my way in to Emerson's graduate program in writing and publishing. It may take a few years, but I will get there!
More studying, job searching, and coffee chugging tomorrow. Living the dream.
I also took a GRE pracitce test today, and got a 670 verbal, 420 math. Those are some noticeably disparate scores, eh? After looking over the answers to the math portion, I realized that I made some pretty careless mistakes. I always feel this intense pressure to finish the sections quickly, and end up having ten of fifteen minutes left over. These practice tests are making my general feelings about this test way better, so I'm glad that I just bought a book that has, like, seven older tests in it.
While riding my bike today, I also realized that a lot of this whole test-taking process is all in your mind. I'm not that bad at math, but when I go in to a practice test thing that, well shucks, I'm going to really stink this one up so I might as well get it over with - that just isn't productive at all. If I just cool out and think happy thoughts and have confidence in the knowledge that I do have, I think it will only help. There's a little life lesson tucked away in this GRE studying, wouldn't you say?
My roommate is currently moving her bed out of our shared basement room. For the month that we have both been in this house, she has slept exactly one night in this room. Which works for, because I paid for half of this room for the month of September and had the room to myself the entire time. This also means that I paid for the full room for October, which is twice what I had anticipated paying for rent when I moved here. Granted, my rent is still just barely over $300, so it's still a fracking bargain. And, after checking my bank accounts, I'm still doing ok.
Maybe I'm spoiled. Does it take a sort of princess to sit on her laurels all day and not bother searching for a job? I guess I'm studying for the GRE so that, in theory, future me can have a job that is meaningful and worth another $50,000 in loans (holy poop). And we all know that a princess wouldn't bother with that sort of thing. Plus she wouldn't have to take out loans in the first place. Maybe I'm just not desperate enough yet. If I needed money immediately, I would probably be more apt to click on the ads on Craig's List for dishwashers and what have you. But I'm not there yet. But there has got to be a job in this town that I am qualified for that doesn't involve washing dishes or making sandwiches. I really don't want to work retail again, but that may be the only option.
I've also been considering the prospect of teaching English aborad. One of the guys I live with has done it, so I should talk with him and get his perspective. There's one problem, though. And I almost can't believe I'm about to say this. But I don't think that I, the cantankerous hermit crab of a girl who would typically prefer to be alone than with most groups of people, would want to go anywhere abroad by myself. I've spent enough time by myself since I moved here to know that meaningful friendships are important to me, and I don't feel like I have many these days. I have one close friend here, and the few others that I have are across the country. I would love to have the experience of teaching abroad, but something like that would be so much more meaningful if I could share it with someone else. (Cue the 'Full House' music when one of the girls learns a valuable lesson about life.)
That being said, I should teach English in Poland. Or Italy, since I already know a decent amount about the Italian language. It would be awesome to go anywhere in Eastern Europe, but it would be tough to be around any Cyrillic language without knowing anything about them. All of the teaching programs say that you don't need to know the language, but I'm dubious.
Just about four weeks to go until I take the GRE. I wonder what would happen to my score if I studied every day? It would go up, presumably. And considering that I've started looking at non-library graduate programs that I'm ultimately less qualified for, my scores are probably going to need to be pretty good.
I wonder just how many people there out in this world wide web that write in their blogs and write in their journals and think that they want to make a living doing it? And what of the aspiring writers who don't write in blogs? What of the countless people who want to be writers? Why do I presume that I could even be a semi-finalist for success in the journalism/writing realm? Well, I guess I would be willing to sign my life and a good deal of future earnings away to a student loan corporation, for one. I have no experience, but I'm trying to get some. I will weasel my way in to Emerson's graduate program in writing and publishing. It may take a few years, but I will get there!
More studying, job searching, and coffee chugging tomorrow. Living the dream.
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