I'm Bad At Math... Just Wanted to Throw That Out There

I’m supposed to studying for the GRE today. I told myself that I would read about the essay portions – the analytical and… perspective? Is that the other essay type? Shit. I clearly need to open my book. But I’m too distracted. Marge and I are at this lovely little coffee house in this lovely little part of town. She is working from home today, which makes me very happy and lot less lonely. The sky is perfectly clear today, again. It rained this weekend and I thought for sure that the rain was settling in and making itself comfortable for its extended stay throughout fall and winter. But, miraculously, it looks like there is a little bit of this late summer sun left yet.

I went for a long bike ride this morning, about 7 miles. It felt really great, and I think that maybe all of my moroseness and gloom that tended to hang around my like Eeyore’s personal rain cloud may have been the result of a distinct lack of exercise. If all it takes to get me feeling a little happier is a surge of endorphins, then hallelujah. Better to find a simple solution late than never, yes?

Every day my mind changes and different options seem to present themselves. And that is, of course, not a bad thing. But it’s also a bit confounding. To be able to envision myself taking any number of paths is envigorating but terrifying, because I’m back to my old stomping grounds, the land of indecision. But for now, I’m studying my vocab and my math skills (that apparently are only high school level but still manage to be beyond my grasp). And I guess I will go from there.

But Portland is really great, and I don’t regret my decision to come here. Not at all. There are moments when I feel very sad and I miss being comfortable in my own skin like I was when my life had routine and when I knew my way around my own neighborhood. But then there are days like today, when I sit at a perfect little coffeehouse with a beautiful mosaic floor, across from my best friend, making conversation with the two friendly gay men who joined us at our table. The weather is perfect, and I’m not starving, and I have a nice little place to call home for now. That all may change soon, but for now everything is pretty perfect. Now all I need is a source of income.

I could stay in Portland for a while. Or I could move to the coast and live in a little town by the ocean. Or I could go to San Francisco. These are all things that have crossed my mind. But… one thing at a time. I better focus on getting a respectable math score on the stupid GRE before I make any more fantastical life plans.