Out With The Old

I could stay in this in-between spot forever. Sitting at my mom's, reading all day and sunning by the lake. I sat on the dock today and felt sweat beading under my clothes and I thought "if I had a gin and tonic this would be the most perfect moment." But alas, my mom was fresh out of gin- and I was too content to get up, anyway.

A sign that my move to Portland is imminent - and that my life there will be real and not just some far off abstraction: I have started looking to see if my favorite bands/singers will be stopping there on their tours. Yes, I will be living in a different city. And will I be able to see Matt Nathanson in my free time? Apparently, yes - he is going there in November! Very exciting.

My time here is dragging on and on. And it's very strange to be filled with such incongruous wants: I want to stay here forever and I want to fast forward to Saturday so I can just get on with it already. Here I am fed, unemployed but not needing a source of income, well-rested (probably overly rested is more accurate) an totally un-obligated in every way. I suppose it would get old. But, I did it for a whole summer back in 2006 and it was pretty great. Admittedly, it was pretty miserable at times. But in hindsight, I mostly remember the books I read and the countless hours spent lounging on our dock and not the lonely days and lonelier nights. Who knew that my Polish skin could even hold a tan like that? It's nice to be back here for a week or two, but any longer would probably toss me in to a vortex of depression. This place has that sort of effect, which is hard to believe with this beautiful view of Lake St. Clair spread out just behind any window here.. But it's very isolating to be out here, away from the place where I grew up and without any human contact other than my mom. Thus, the days stretch on and on.

But. Five whole days and then I'm gone. Maybe for only a few months, maybe longer. Is it a little bit crazy to have no timetable for my own life? More than a little bit crazy? My best friend and I have discussed the possibility of wwoofing after Christmas this year. In Italy, or possibly elsewhere. At which point I would be a bonafide hippie, but it's been a long time coming if we're being honest.

I am wholly satisfied with the choices I have made. I see other people my age (ie my twin brother who has just set out on a path to become a mind-blowingly rich lawyer) who have their upcoming years laid out in front of them and I know that I don't want that. I could be anywhere in the world in just a few months. It's what I've always wanted, and it's about to start. Couldn't really ask for more than that.

Amazing to think that right now some other girls are moving in to my old house in Ann Arbor, that a whole new crop of kids are starting up where I left off. Out with the old, as they say.