Adventures in Premeditated Vagrancy

As spring is crawling towards summer, the feeling of impermanence in my life is amplifying. I have been saying for a couple of months now that I'm probably leaving Ann Arbor at the end of the summer when my lease runs out. And the amount of time between present day and that abstract end of the summer keeps getting smaller and smaller. Now that my imminent move feels more real, I am so much more aware of the fact that my time here isn't going to stretch on into eternity - which is how it has felt, particularly during slow days at work.

But I feel better now, and stronger, than I have in months. Knowing that I'm leaving has lent me this sense of 'I'm leaving anyway, so nothing I do now is all that important'. It's a kind of freedom. Like when you accidentally go home with a guy that tells you in the morning that he has a girlfriend. You know that nothing will develop between you and this profoundly terrible person, so you are free to be yourself without the fear of rejection or judgment. Not that I know about that sort of situation. Merely hypothetical.

I've noticed this with other friends, too. Two of my close friends got in to serious relationships within weeks of graduating from college, when they had spent their entire undergraduate careers not getting close to anyone. Something about having a distinct end in sight changes us. It's heartening. It allows us to cast off the little anxieties that keep us in our holes.

Anyways.

I spent my walk to work this morning thinking about Portland. I know I will be there until at least Christmastime. But after that, well, I could be anywhere. I am, therefore, looking at this move to Portland as a working vacation. And I feel great about that.

Basically, I'm ready to being my stint as a vagabond. This still will last until further notice.

But, I have to make it through a 3 hour committee meeting this afternoon regarding the future of libraries on central campus. How am I qualified to make decisions about not only the library I work in, but libraries on campus and how they will combine to form one coherent library infrastructure? Well, frankly, I'm not. But I'll spout off my unqualified opinions if asked. I'm leaving! They can clean up after me when I'm gone. (What a team player.)